I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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