Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
