respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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