Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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