she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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