If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Randomize
