Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
