some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
