My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
the gays at disneyland are vicious
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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