oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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