Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
