talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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