just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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