apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
