on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
