last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
