She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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