I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
