Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Ladies don't puke and tell
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
