Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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