Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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