Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
