I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
