carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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