Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
