remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
