remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks