It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
