I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
