then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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