I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
