Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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