I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
