Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
