Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
