i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
