from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
