At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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