new low.... made out with someone while peeing
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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