i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
