this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
