Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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