Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
