dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
literally had 100 drinks last night.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
