her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
