dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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