Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
what day is it and did you see me today?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
