even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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