if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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