Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
