actually, I'm a sock model
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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