So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
