It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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