I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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