she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
