It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
