The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
