I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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