Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
