i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We are two peas in an std pod
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just had sex on a roof
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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