new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
MIDGETS
????
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
