Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
