I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
either way he was missing a nipple.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
