So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
