So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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