The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
