I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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