Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Randomize
