ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
