You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
