did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Couch. On fire.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
