party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
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Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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