im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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