My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
