How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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