Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
