we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
