I wannas sexs uuuuu
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
