I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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