did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
